Why I Deleted Hinge and Built My Own Dating App
I didn’t delete Hinge because it was bad. I deleted it because it was working exactly as designed — and that design was the problem.
Every swipe felt like a highlights reel. Mine. Theirs. Mutually curated, mutually exhausting. The best photos. The most clever answer to “I go crazy for…” The bio that makes you sound interesting without revealing anything that might actually scare someone off.
And then you go on the date. And the surprises start.
The Moment That Changed It
I got out of a relationship where I realized I’d spent two years learning things about a person I would have needed to know on date one.
Not dealbreakers I should have run from — just real things. The way they process conflict. The habits that seem small until they’re part of every single day. The emotional patterns that don’t show up until you’re both tired and the performance is over.
None of it came out upfront. Because no app asks for it. Because every dating platform is built around one thing: getting you to make a match. Not getting you to make a good one.
I kept thinking: why do we build these apps to let people hide?
The Problem With Every Dating App
Here’s what Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder have in common: they reward performance.
The best photo gets the swipe. The funniest bio gets the match. The most curated version of yourself gets the most attention. And so everyone — consciously or not — leads with their highlight reel.
Which means every first date is a negotiation between two people slowly revealing who they actually are, hoping the other person doesn’t disappear.
It’s exhausting to perform. And it’s disappointing to discover that the person you matched with was also performing.
What I Built Instead
I built Flaws and All on one premise: what if you led with the real stuff?
Before the photo. Before the bio. Before anything about how you present yourself to the world — you share the things that are going to come out anyway.
Things like:
- “I need 20 minutes of quiet before I’m a person in the morning.”
- “I replay arguments in the shower three days later.”
- “I stress-clean instead of dealing with my feelings.”
- “I laugh at my own jokes before the punchline.”
Small things. Real things. The things that make you, you — and that anyone you date will eventually discover whether you disclosed them or not.
When you lead with those things, two remarkable things happen.
First, the wrong people self-select out. Someone who needs a constant social butterfly will read “I need quiet in the mornings” and know this isn’t a match. Nobody’s time is wasted. No awkward third date where you realize you’re fundamentally incompatible.
Second, the right people lean in. Because there is something deeply compelling about someone who is honest about who they are before they’re required to be. It signals security. Maturity. A willingness to be actually known.
What a Real Match Looks Like
Here’s the thing about Flaws and All: when you match with someone, it means something different.
You didn’t match because they swiped your photo. You matched because they read your honest profile — your real habits, your real dealbreakers, your real quirks — and they said yes anyway.
That changes everything about how a first date feels.
You already know each other’s flaws. There’s no performance to maintain. Date one is a confirmation, not a job interview. You’re not evaluating whether the person matches the profile — they already showed you the real version. You’re deciding if the in-person chemistry is actually there.
Our early users describe the same thing: first dates that feel like second or third dates. Conversations that go somewhere real, quickly. Less time wasted. More genuine connection.
Why This Matters Now
Dating has gotten harder. Swipe fatigue is real. Ghosting is expected. Nobody trusts that the person they matched with is actually who they say they are.
And underneath all of it is a design problem. The apps are built to maximize engagement, not compatibility. More swipes. More matches. More time in app. Not more honest, sustainable relationships.
Flaws and All is built differently. The goal isn’t for you to spend more time on the app — it’s for you to spend less, because the matches you make actually go somewhere.
Join Us
We’re in the early stages of building this — and we’re looking for the people who are done performing.
If you’ve ever wished you could just show up as yourself on a first date and have that be enough, this is for you.
Sign up free — beta members have a direct say in how we build this.
No more surprises. No more performing. Just actual people, actually connecting.
That’s the whole idea.